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How to get through the holidays with infertility

infertility tips Nov 22, 2021

The holidays can be the toughest time when going through infertility. You probably thought last year was your last holiday season without a baby.Yet, here you are, a year later, and still no baby. 

It's common to not look forward to the holidays after struggling all year trying to conceive and going through IVF.

There's no sugar coating it. Another year is coming to an end and you don't feel any closer to being a mom. This might make you dread the upcoming parties. It might make you dread making plans with the family. You're anticipating seeing people you haven't seen in a year, some of whom have new babies or bumps of their own, and some who might ask you the dreaded question: when are you going to start having kids? 

Here are 5 mindset tips to help you get through the holiday season when struggling with infertility:

1. Remember that you are not alone in how you feel. There are THOUSANDS of women who feel just like you. Even if they don't say it out loud, they have the same feelings of dread and sadness...and fear. Fear that 2022 won't be any different.

Stop beating yourself up for how you feel. Your feelings are normal. Your feelings are valid. Your feelings are ok. Your feelings do not make you a horrible human being.

2. Tell yourself that it won't always be like this. It won't. This might be hard to believe, especially if you've recently experienced a bump in the road or some bad news. But I promise it won't always be like this. All seasons end - even hard ones.

3. Be kind to yourself. This might mean by allowing yourself to say no. This might mean by accepting how you're feeling - all the feelings you're feeling. It might mean by making new traditions. It might mean by skipping some events. It might mean by upping your self care game and putting yourself first. No matter how you honor yourself and your needs, just be kind to yourself because you deserve it!

4. Prepare yourself as much as you can. For when you do bump into people, planned or not, be prepared with answers to the inappropriate questions. Here are some responses for you to have on hand depending on who's asking and how you and your partner feel about it:

  • We're not comfortable sharing about that part of our marriage
  • When we have news to share you'll hear
  • Thanks for asking its harder and taking longer than we'd like and we appreciate your support and prayers
  • I'm surprised you feel comfortable asking such a personal question.
  • I'm sure you didn't mean it, but asking questions like that can be really painful for people like us who struggle to conceive

Know that as a fellow IVF warrior, I am thinking about you at this time of year. If you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to who gets it, I invite you to think about joining the More Than My Infertility group coaching program. Once you sign up, you are a member for life. You learn how to stop putting your life on hold while you go after your goal of becoming a mother, with a small community of women like you.

I hope you enjoy the holidays as much as you can. Focus on being with the ones you love, and the delicious food isn't a bad bonus.

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