Having doubts during IVF?Dec 13, 2022
After 4 years of coaching women going through IVF (and my own experience through 3 rounds) I have never met anyone who did not have doubts about their next steps through the IVF process.
It’s because our brain's 🧠 job is to protect us.
That means it’s constantly looking at everything as a possible threat. Threat to your safety, your comfort, and your energy.
If you’ve done IVF before and it hasn’t worked your brain is going to scream “nope- been there, done that and we didn’t like that outcome” and so will bring fearful thoughts front and center.
And if you’ve never done this step of IVF before, if it’s new, your brain thinks “I’m not so sure about this” and puts doubt in your head.
Our brains default to worry, fear and negativity - that’s the way they are wired.
So, if you know that you’re going to feel doubtful through the process it means you can stop making “feeling doubtful” a problem.
You see, having some doubts doesn’t need to mean more than you’re unsure of the outcome. Because the truth is- you ARE unsure of the outcome. This step, this stage of IVF, heck what tomorrow will bring–is uncertain!
The problem is I often see women who make feeling doubtful become a problem. They believe if they feel doubtful it means they aren’t doing the right thing. If they are doubtful it means it’s not meant to work out. If they are doubtful it means they are wrong.
And so because of all that, they live their life with this fear in mind when making decisions. Decisions about trying again. Decisions about moving forward. Decisions about what doctor or how to spend their time, or what symptoms to google. Decisions about making plans because something might get in the way.
When you let the fear and doubt control your actions and decisions, that’s when it becomes a problem. The problem is not the existence of that emotion. It’s how you act when you feel that way.
Take a minute to think about how you’d act differently if you knew that feeling doubtful was not a sign of something going wrong but instead just part of the process.
The doubts, the fear, the worry will always be there.
Their presence doesn’t need to be a problem.
They don’t need to stop you from going after your goal to have a baby.
So, the next time you feel doubt, worry or fear creeping in do this:
- Notice it and say to yourself, "Oh, i’m doing that thing again where I’m doubtful or afraid."
- Ask yourself, is this fear a real threat or real possible outcome?
- If yes, do what you can to help control the outcome/stay safe
- If no, remind yourself of all you ARE doing to put you in the best spot so you don’t have to worry about this thing
- Remind yourself that you are OK while taking a few slow deep breaths.
You’ll have to do this again and again and again. When you do you can expect outcomes like some of my clients.
My clients learn to understand their fear, address their fear, accept their fear AND KEEP GOING!
They no longer let their doubts and fears get in the way of doing the big things required for IVF.
For some, that means overcoming a fear of needles because they always pass out at blood draws.
For others it’s fear of their body not working and being the one person none of this works for.
For others it’s fear of getting past the positive pregnancy test and actually having the baby after they have had losses.
For others it’s fears that they made the wrong decision or aren’t ready or just fear that they don’t have what it takes.
So stop making the fear or doubts a problem, instead, expect it as part of the IVF process. And take the 3 steps mentioned above when it is present.
You are more capable and stronger than you think. I’d love to help you find that strength and believe that yourself.💓
For more tips, watch my When Transfer Fails webinar by clicking here
Ready to get the support you need so you can stop putting your life on hold during your IVF journey?
Learn about my More Than My Infertility program!